My Life, Not a Game
by DIVERGENTWIZARD
Summary: Katniss did everything she could, she learned to hunt. But on one especially harsh winter she is drived to a place she swore to never go, to Cray's doorstep. Gale and even Peeta try to help Katniss escape the danger she unknowingly fell in to. Is she ever going to escape or will she succumb to Cray's will. And if she can escape who will she love? Story of abuse, love, hurt and fear
1. Prolog

**DISCLAIMER DUH…**

 **Prolog-**

I don't know how I got to this point. I've tried to leave I've tried to fix things I even tried to end it all, but nothing works. He's always there to catch me in the end, and I'm punished for "my wrongs." I think he just enjoys the punishment sometimes. But I think I'm ready now to do the one thing he can't stop, no matter how hard he tries. I'm going to do it I'm going to end this once and for all no matter what or who I lose in the process.

* * *

 _ **A/N-**_ **This is my first fanfic on this website, I have a TMI one on wattpad called "No Way".**

 **Like all authors copying is not allowed I will hunt you down and shoot you with a bow and arrow Katniss style.**

 **All M-Rated material will be marked for those who don't want to read.**

 **Review? Follow? Favorite? Nah no favorite it's too early in the story for that, alas next chapter my friends.**

 **Anywho see you next chapter….**

 _ **~Waffles**_


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer Duh…**

 **Chapter 1-** _ **Katniss' POV**_

 **Age: 14**

I had a decent haul today with 3 squirrels, 2 rabbits, a turkey, and a quart of strawberries. I set aside a squirrel for the baker and the turkey for Cray and make my way to Greasy Sae to sell her a rabbit maybe and a squirrel if she is interested. Lucky for me she is she even buys a quarter of my strawberries, in trade for a bowl of soup. While I'm waiting on my soup Haymitch our resident drunken victor walks smack into Cray on his way from Ripper's liquor stall.

"Hey, watch where you going you good for nothing drunk!"

"Yeah yeah whatever, you gonna arrest me for not paying attention." This is ridiculous of course victors are pretty much above the law, and hardly anyone is ever arrested in 12.

"Just watch it Haymitch."

Cray then makes his way over to where I'm sitting and stands in front of me.

"You got anything good for sale their?"

"I've got a turkey if you're interested." Which of course he is it's his favorite, after we haggle for a bit he buys the turkey and a bowl of Greasy Sae's soup.

"Why don't you ever come visit me Katniss? I get awful lonely in my big house all by myself." Cray says while taking my hair out of its braid and running his fingers through it. "You really have beautiful hair Katniss."

"Thanks and I don't visit because I have school and Prim to take care of."

"Well if you ever need help or a stress relief you know where to find me."

Like I would ever 'visit' him, I prefer my purity intact thank you. Sighing I got off the stool and headed home to see Prim.

* * *

 _ **A/N- Most likely each chapter will be a scene. It may be slow now but just wait for next chapter, which will be a few months later during winter.**_

 _ **5 Reviews = Early Chapter**_

 _ **~Waffles**_


	3. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER DUH…**

 **I will mark where the rated-M parts begin and end**

 _ **Chapter 2- Katniss's POV**_

Katniss age: 14

Third Week of Winter

It is going to be a very harsh winter I can already tell. We are only three weeks into winter and it's like all the game has just disappeared. Even Gale hasn't been able to catch anything with his snares for over a week. And we have already gathered and stored what little edible plants were left two weeks ago. We haven't received our tessera rations this month either.

* * *

Fourth Week of Winter

I have caught 1 squirrel in the past week and Gale has caught 1 rabbit and 1 squirrel, but I refused to let him give me anything from them, after all he has more mouths to feed. And on top of the lack of game part of the roof fell in last night. I woke up freezing covered in half a foot of snow. So that needs to be repaired as well. But because the tarp we have over it now cost half of our savings that could take a while. And still no tessera rations have been received by anyone in the district.

* * *

Fifth Week of Winter

Madge said that her family hasn't received any food this month because the trains can't get through all the snow on the tracts. I am beginning to become desperate so I am going to spend the next two days in the woods trying to catch something. I'm going to stay out at night to see if there is more activity then. **(I'm not going to write anything for that, she sat in a tree and was cold that's all that happened)** I did not see a single thing, not even a wild dog which would be something at this point.

* * *

Sixth Week of Winter

I think Gale has some magical game magnet because he caught 2 rabbits yesterday which are more than I've had in weeks. Plus I caught the flu and hypothermia from being out in the woods, combined with the draft and some snow that is always over my bed. So that means no leaving my house for the rest of the week. Once I'm healthy again I may be forced to take drastic measures because Prim is starting to get that look she had before I started hunting. Like all hope is lost, her ribs have become too prominent as well, and all our savings have been spent on getting some of the little amount of food available.

* * *

Seventh Week of Winter

The baker gave Prim a half loaf of stale bread today on the way home from school and she looked like Christmas had come early this year, I think she cried into his shoulder while she hugged him. I refused to eat ant of the bread and told her to ration it over the next few days. I also have decided that I am going to go see Cray tonight after prim goes to sleep.

Toby the **two hour** time jump

I waited 'til Prim and my mother fell asleep then I put on my best dress which isn't much and make my way to Cray's doorstep.

There are three other girls here tonight; two from the seam and one of them is a merchant's daughter. How bad are things when even the merchants go to Cray to beg?

Cray opens the door about 10 minutes later and surveys the groups until his eyes lock on me. He immediately points to me and tells the other to get lost. Is he really that interested in me? The merchant's daughter was much prettier and of a high class which would make her the obvious choice to me.

Once I'm inside Cray closes and locks the door, this strikes me as odd. Are people so desperate that they would break into the head peacekeepers house? Does he not want to be interrupted? Is he trying to keep me in? Because I wouldn't be here if I wasn't going to follow through with this.

"Your pure correct?" asks Cray, I nod not wanting to look at him.

"Come on I'll show you to the bathroom." Cray says in a gruff voice.

"Bathroom, why?" I say in a questioning tone.

"Because I don't want you to get me or my bed dirty." He says with a huff.

Once we reach the bathroom Cray has me take off my dress and get into the already run bath. While I'm bathing Cray disappears with my dress. When he comes back I ask him what he did with it.

"I washed it; it will be dry when you're ready to leave."

Once I'm out of the tub and dry Cray leads me upstairs to his bedroom. And it's then once I see his black canopy bed that it hits, what I'm about to give him. I shouldn't be giving my purity to him I should be saving it for my husband. And I stop in my tracts.

"What is it, why did you stop?" Cray says irritation clear in his tone.

"I can't do this I need to get home." I say with a slight shake in my voice.

"What you just think you can come here, get bathed, have your clothes cleaned and leave without giving me what you came here for!" His voice becoming louder with every angry word.

* * *

 _ **Activate Rated-M Material**_

He grabs my arm and throws me on the bed, and pinning me with his massive form.

"You know I was going to be gentle with you, since it's your first time and all. But now I'm angry and I'm going to show you how I channel my anger Katniss." Cray hisses in my ear.

Then he practically ripped the clothes from his body and slammed into me, despite me fighting and trying to keep my legs together the whole time. And I screamed a little when he first entered me and then I just began to cry silently as he continued to thrust into me over and over again and gosh it felt like I was being ripped in half. It felt like eternity before he was done filling me with his vile liquids. And then it was over he pulled out rolled of me and just laid there panting heavily.

"Your dress is in front of the fire when you're ready." Said Cray as he lay there looking at me. I got up immediately and then I felt it. First the pain yes, but then there it was there was blood running down my leg.

Cray grabbed my arm he handed me a heavy pouch of coins. "I would like you to come back again tomorrow night. And if you come a little earlier you can have dinner with me first."

I just nodded and fled down stairs as quickly as possible. Once I was dressed with the money in hand I went as quickly as I could back to my house, and goodness was I in pain.

* * *

 _ **A/N-**_

 _ **Yay another chapter is done! I had free time today since I had no basketball practice so I wrote another chapter. So see you next time.**_

 _ **5 Reviews= early chapter**_

 _ **~Waffles**_


	4. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMERS DUH…**

 **I will mark where rated-M parts begin and end**

 _ **Chapter 3-Katniss's POV**_

 **Katniss age: 14**

As soon as I got home I limped to the side of the house were the faucet was and rinsed the blood off my legs and hands. Once I limped in side I put the dress in cold water, but I was still bleeding. Was I supposed to bleed this much? I placed some of my material I use when I'm on my period (I have no clue what they would use so I guessed) in my underwear to keep from staining anything else and to keep my legs clean so Prim won't notice. Then I scrubbed the remaining blood from the dress and hung it next to the fire and added a few more logs to help keep us warm tonight. Then I limped to my bed and hoped sleep would help me feel better.

* * *

The next morning I woke to Prim shaking me violently. Since when does Prim not let me sleep in or at least wake me nicely on my non-hunting days? As I roll over to look at Prim I feel sore between my legs, but I also feel wetness. Oh no does the tarp have a hole in it now as well! But I'm not really that cold as I open my eyes I don't see snow but instead a layer of red on my bed. Then it clicks Cray took my purity last night that's why my legs hurt and my cloth must have come out of my underwear and allowed the blood to stain the bed.

"Katniss what happened why are you bleeding so much," asks Prim. "It's nothing Prim just that time again." "But it's not your time yet you just had one two weeks ago." Dang it, when did she start keeping track of these things? "Why don't you go get mom and I'll have her look at me then," she nods and hurries out of the room to get my mom.

While she does that I limp into the bathroom to rearrange the material in my underwear and to get out of these blood stain clothes. As I take off the clothes I realize that the material did not move it's still in my underwear and it is soaked in blood. Well that's not good. "Katniss are you ok your bed has a lot of blood on it," my mom says as she knocks on the door. I open the door to let my mom in and she gasps when she sees me. I don't look that bad do I?

"What, what's with the gasp?" Instead of answering me my mom simply turns me around to look at the coal dusted mirror and then I see it, the reason why my mom gasped I am covered in bruises.

* * *

 **A/N-**

 **Yay another chapter up sorry about the gap in updates I had been really sick during Christmas break and then I've been uber busy with school and sports; but I'm here now and I'm writing the next chapter right now so it will be up today or tomorrow.**

 **~Waffles**


	5. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMERS DUH…**

 **I will mark were rated-M parts begin and end**

 _ **Chapter 4- Katniss's POV**_

 **Katniss age: 14**

I am covered in hand shaped bruises: on my hips, legs, arms, stomach, and chest. Not to mention the red blood streaks on my legs, I look like I feel so that's good I guess? My mom is looking at me with a look of pity, confusion, and horror. "How did all this happen," she asks. "I saved Prim." She looks even more confused for a moment and then a look of understanding passes over her face and I know she gets it. I went to Cray so I could get money that would be needed to save Prim's life during this horrible winter. "I'll go some water for you to take a bath while we wait for Prim to go to school, and then I'll take a look at you once she's gone." Its moments like these when I know my mom understands me, these moments are few and far between but they're precious.

She fills the bath with boiling water, and tells me it will help with the soreness. So I sit in the hot bath which is helping with the soreness, the bath is turning red due to all the blood. While I'm sitting in the bath I hear Gale and his siblings arrive to walk Prim and I to school. "Good morning Everdeen family," Gale shouts into the house as he walks in. "Good morning Gale," Prim says giggling from his loud entrance. "Why is there blood on your porch," asks Rory. Oh no I didn't realize I left a blood stains anywhere. "That must be from Katniss, I think she got hurt yesterday. Her bed and clothes were covered in blood this morning," says Prim quietly. "Oh is she alright," says Gale and I can hear him walking towards the bedroom. "She should be fine just needs a few stitches and some rest and she'll be fine" says my mom. "What you didn't tell me she needed stitches, why haven't you done them yet," asks Prim. "Because Katniss didn't want you to know so you wouldn't worry," lies my mother. And she's right normally I wouldn't want to tell Prim if I got injure or how badly. "Ok then well tell her I'll be by to check on her after school today," says Gale. "Ok will do," promises my mother.

After they leave I get out of the bath dry off and head into the kitchen still rapped in the towel. "So you think I'll need stitches?" "Considering how long you have been bleeding probably so," says my mother she's more in her healer mode now I can see it. "Lie back on the table so I can examine you," commands my mother. I do as I'm told; when I look down at her she looks close to tears. "Goodness what did he do to you Katniss, you look awful down here everything's bruised, swollen, or bleeding. Was he gentle at all I'm mean it was your first time for goodness sake," my mother says angrily. "I couldn't do it after I saw his bed I just froze, that made him angry so he said 'he was going to show me how he channeled his anger', it hurt so much mom." My mother looked so angry for a minute I thought she might actually punch something, then she schooled her features started digging thru her medicinal herbs. "I'm going to put some salve down there to numb everything while I clean and do the stitches. And I'm going to put a towel across your legs so you don't look." I stared at the ceiling the whole time she worked and the she had my lay on the table while she cleaned me and iced the bruises. When it was about an hour 'til Prim got home my mother redressed me and told me to just stay there until Gale got there and could move me to my bed; I argued and said I could walk but she told me it could rip the stitches and that could cause permanent damage.

* * *

Prim and Gale got there half an hour late saying they wanted to take Vick and Rory home before they visited. "Hey were here," called Prim as they walked in. "Oh good I think Katniss will kill me if I make her lay on that table any longer," says my mom walking towards then. "Why couldn't she walk back to our room," asks Prim sounding worried. "Oh it's nothing to serious I just don't want her to rip the stitches," assures my mother. "Yeah, so Gale if you don't mind this table is extremely uncomfortable," I shout from the table. Gale walks into the room looking concerned but once he sees I'm in one piece and look no worse for wear he gently picks me up cradling me in his arms and slowly carries me to my room taking care not to jostle me as he walks. "It's okay Gale I'm not going to break." "I know but I'm not sure where you are hurt so I don't want to hurt you," says Gale quietly looking down at me like I'm some precious thing that will disappear if he looks away. "I'm fine really just exhausted and sore, I'll be fine by tomorrow." "More like Wednesday," says my mother from the doorway. "I spent time stitching you up and I won't let you rip them out because you're too stubborn to rest Katniss."

Gale lays in bed next to me and talks with me for a while before its time for him to go home for the night, promising to come visit tomorrow as well. After he leaves Prim comes in and feeds me some soup, before going to sleep in my mother's bed. The next morning I am awakened by the sound of someone knocking on the door. I can hear my mom answer the door and then hear footsteps coming towards my bedroom. My mother followed by Darius enters the bedroom. "Hello Katniss I was instructed by Cray to come see why you have not gone to school today or yesterday," states Darius in a very un-Darius like way. "I was injured the other night on my way home had to have stitches so I can't walk according to my mother until tomorrow." "Well okay then I shall report back to Cray then, I hope you feel better soon Katniss." And with that Darius leaves rather quickly, leaving my mother and I with the same confused look on our faces. "Why does Cray care if I went to school or not," I ask my mother. "I don't think that was about your attendance record," says my mother.

 **A/N-**

 **See I told you I would have another update soon**

 **5 reviews= early update**

 **There will be more Cray in the next chapter**

 **~Waffles**


	6. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER DUH…**

 **Rated- M parts will be marked**

 _ **Chapter 5- Katniss's POV**_

 **Katniss age: 14**

 _Gale lays in bed next to me and talks with me for a while before its time for him to go home for the night, promising to come visit tomorrow as well. After he leaves Prim comes in and feeds me some soup, before going to sleep in my mother's bed. The next morning I am awakened by the sound of someone knocking on the door. I can hear my mom answer the door and then hear footsteps coming towards my bedroom. My mother followed by Darius enters the bedroom. "Hello Katniss I was instructed by Cray to come see why you have not gone to school today or yesterday," states Darius in a very un-Darius like way. "I was injured the other night on my way home had to have stitches so I can't walk according to my mother until tomorrow." "Well okay then I shall report back to Cray then, I hope you feel better soon Katniss." And with that Darius leaves rather quickly, leaving my mother and I with the same confused look on our faces. "Why does Cray care if I went to school or not," I ask my mother. "I don't think that was about your attendance record," says my mother._

Walking to and from school today was extremely painful, but I knew I had to stop town to get some food for Prim before I could rest. The money that Cray payed me could feed a merchant family for a month so I decided to splurge a little. I got us 2 loaves of wheat bread from the baker, Peeta charged me way less than normal, about half price, and threw in a cookie for Prim. He said he couldn't sell the cookie because he had messed up the frosting on it, but who am I to deny Prim a special treat. After that I went to the sweet shop and bought Prim a small bag of peppermints that I will save for her birthday or a special surprise if things start to get bad again. Next I stopped by the apothecary shop and purchased more numbing ointment and stitching material for my mother, and a new bunch of period material since the bunch I used is probably ruined. And finally I went to the Hob.

While at the Hob I purchased some goat cheese from the goat man ( **as of now Prim does not have lady** ) to go with the bread, and asked around about who had the cheapest price on somewhat deceit roofing supplies. And just as I was about to leave I saw Cray, he was buying something from one of the stalls so I decided to sneak past while he was distracted. That plan failed however as just as I passed him, he turned and spotted me leaving. "Hello Katniss", Cray said jogging to catch up to me. "Oh, hello Cray what can I do for you?" "You can tell me why you didn't come back to my house and eat dinner with me like I asked," Cray said through clenched teeth. Uh oh. "As I'm sure Darius told you I was injured and unable to walk till today and that was still sooner than my mother was happy about." " I don't buy that injured story, your avoiding me why, he said angrily still walking with me towards my house." " It wasn't a story Cray I had to have stitches put in the other day after Prim work me because my bed was soaked in blood," I snapped back. He looked slightly startled by that. "Stitches why?" "Because apparently your method of taking out your aggression was a little too violent for my body to handle." If he looked startled before now he looked sick. "I didn't realize I…" he trailed of not really knowing how to respond to my statement. Just as he was opening his mouth to respond we arrived at my house and I turned to him. "Look you got what you want and I'm going to be able to keep Prim alive hopefully through winter so you don't have to act like you care." And with that I turned to go into my house, but his words stopped me. "I'm not done with you yet, so be at my house tomorrow for dinner." And with that he walked away leaving me stunned, and slightly worried.

 _ **A/N-**_

 _ **Well that's all I have time for today there will be more Cray next chapter…**_

 _ **5 reviews = earlier updates**_

 _ **~Waffles**_


	7. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER DUH…**

 **Rated- M parts will be marked**

 _ **Chapter 6- Katniss's POV**_

 **Katniss age: 14**

 _"Hello Katniss", Cray said jogging to catch up to me. "Oh, hello Cray what can I do for you?" "You can tell me why you didn't come back to my house and eat dinner with me like I asked," Cray said through clenched teeth. Uh oh. "As I'm sure Darius told you I was injured and unable to walk till today and that was still sooner than my mother was happy about." " I don't buy that injured story, your avoiding me why, he said angrily still walking with me towards my house." " It wasn't a story Cray I had to have stitches put in the other day after Prim work me because my bed was soaked in blood," I snapped back. He looked slightly startled by that. "Stitches why?" "Because apparently your method of taking out your aggression was a little too violent for my body to handle." If he looked startled before now he looked sick. "I didn't realize I…" he trailed of not really knowing how to respond to my statement. Just as he was opening his mouth to respond we arrived at my house and I turned to him. "Look you got what you want and I'm going to be able to keep Prim alive hopefully through winter so you don't have to act like you care." And with that I turned to go into my house, but his words stopped me. "I'm not done with you yet, so be at my house tomorrow for dinner." And with that he walked away leaving me stunned, and slightly worried._

I'm not going to Cray's house for dinner tomorrow I don't care what he says, and besides I still have stitches in; if he tried anything I'd be screwed. So as I head home, and in my mind I decide I will ration the rest of what Cray gave me to get us through the winter. Prim is overjoyed with the peppermint candies when I get home, and we eat a few after our ration of bread and cheese.

"Does this mean that we can make it through the winter Katniss," asks Prim while I'm brushing her hair in front of the fire later that night.

"Yes Prim I think we will."

- **The Next Day** -

I go to school today despite the soreness between my legs, and my mother's warnings to rest longer. It hurt to sit in those hard chairs all day, and I was more than ready to go home and rest that night. As Gale was walking us home Prim was telling him all about the candies I had gotten her. And I knew then that there was going to be serious questions later about where the money and game came from and he would want to know why I hadn't told him about my hurting trip.

Later as we lay in front of the fire while our mothers talk about nothing and everything Gale finally asks me what I know he's been dying to.

"What did you catch out in the woods: a deer, a boar, and wild dog it had to have been huge for you to splurge like that for candy in this weather?"

"I caught a few turkeys and a rabbit," I lie to Gale as he continues to stare at me.

"Really I haven't seen a turkey in weeks, but still even Cray wouldn't pay that…" he trails off and then he's hovering over me pinning me down.

"Tell me you didn't Katniss," Gale whisper- yells at me.

"Didn't what," I say pretending I don't know exactly what he's talking about.

"Tell me you didn't give yourself to that pig of a peacekeeper for a few coins," he hisses at me still on top of me.

"I did what I had to Gale," I look away from him as I say this instead looking at Prim whose lying next to Rory laughing at something he's saying.

"No, no things couldn't be that bad why didn't you tell me if things were that bad!"

"And say what Gale, 'Oh I know things are bad for you as well Gale but Prims starving and the roof is half gone and I spent all of our savings on a tarp to keep the snow out, but go ahead give me your last crumb that you need so desperately for your family and help me temporarily solve our problems, that I could and did fix for myself."

"Yes Katniss you let me starve myself a little longer so that you don't have to be brutalized by that- that beast." And then he pauses for a moment before asking me the last thing I wanted him to ask.

"Is he the one that did that to you caused you to need stitches?" My silence is all the confirmation he needs.

"How much," he asks and I think that is really the last thing I wanted him to ask.

"Gale you don't-"

"Katniss tell me how much!"

"$350 Gale you and I both know that it was worth it for that much." Gale just looks at me for a long moment before saying, "No amount would be worth it."

And with that he rolls of me and goes to talk to someone else.

 **A/N-**

 **So I lied Cray will be next chapter instead you got Gale…**

 **5 reviews = earlier updates**

 _ **~Waffles**_


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